I stared blankly at the book, thoughts whirling through my head. The Anatomy and Physiology information ran through my hands like water. It just didn’t click. I couldn’t comprehend what I was looking at.
I’m Rachel. A senior with Griggs (the only school I’ve ever used and soon to be a graduate of) and looking on to be a nursing student, I’m a newly-rebaptized member of the Adventist church. I met Jesus just over a year ago. And I’ve been trying to stay with Him on the narrow way since (and a little before). I’ve got a passion for nursing, and I’ve prayed about it so much that I’m sure Jesus just smiles when I ask Him one more time, “Are you sure I’m meant for this?” I was asking that again last night. I have a hard time with packed classes and a tough stack of textbooks. My mind can’t grasp all that different information for 5 classes at once. I’ve just about finished 3 of my 5 this semester, and Algebra 2 and Chemistry are the last two. My mom and I looked ahead to college, and I have an old A&P book from Good Will (when I was 14 and on a I’m-going-to-be-a-nurse tear); I’m going to try to go through it this summer (if I have a spare minute). So I opened it up to the first chapter last night.
An overview of A&P. Can’t be that bad, right? That’s what I thought….I kept reading. So much information and so many pages. I began to open at random pages and look at the drawings and pictures; read snippets of paragraphs; contemplate questions in the text. I started to stress and breathe harder. I can’t do this! I cried out to God. I don’t understand this stuff! I’m not cut out for it. Pick someone else to be a missionary nurse….I can’t handle college. I wanted to cry and quit and just give up the idea of college in general. I’m not made for it…this isn’t for me….I can’t take it….I can’t do it….I can’t remember all this… I opened to another page as my thoughts continued to blur through my head. A bookmark. A laminated, tapestry-style bookmark. I picked it up and gasped.
Rachel. “Lamb”. “…a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God…” Romans 12:1. “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches…” Proverbs 22:1.
_What?! What is the chance?_ Tears began to pool in my eyes as I spoke with my Savior. You’re confirming this. I’ve had this book for a long time and you didn’t let me find this. Oh…oh….a living sacrifice…. OK. Take me, but I’m not much. You’re going to have to help me. Wonder filled me at the graciousness of God to gently turn the page for me so I could find that little confirmation that this IS His plan. Why did I get that A&P book? Why that bookmark? Why ‘Rachel’ on it?!
Even at this wonderful revelation, I still had doubt in my mind as to whether I could take this. Then, I found it.
“No one likes to be sick and yet we know
It takes sunshine and rain to make flowers grow…
And if we never were sick and never felt pain,
We’d be like a desert without any rain.”
~Helen Steiner Rice
OK, Lord. You got me.
Can we ever doubt the love of God to guide us in every circumstance?
“I love the Lord, because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.” (Psalm 116:1)